I sat down a week ago and fingers flew across the keyboard as I typed my thoughts about the need for the Church to reform. A key thought I typed was how it was important that we stop looking at the splinters in the eyes of those in our world around us (the unchurched and the churched) and attend to the massive plank in our own eyes. The overriding thought I had was that the church was never meant to be a perfect place where the struggling didn’t feel comfortable walking in the doors and being real, but rather it is meant to be a hospital for the hurting and a place we can all come to to be lovingly walked forth into healing and freedom.
I was feeling pretty passionate and sure of myself as I typed. By bedtime that night I had come face to face with a plank lodged in my own eye.
Out of the Heart the Mouth Speaks
Out of our hearts our mouths speak. Things we don’t even know we are feeling will come out through offhand comments when we least expect it and we can find ourselves asking, “where did this even come from?” I had one of those moments and without meaning to made my husband feel very judged. Just when I thought I was doing so good I go and put my foot in my mouth. The irony of this situation is not lost on me.
I used to think that bondage meant things like drug addiction, pornography, etc. I was totally blind to the fact that I as a Christian was blind, deaf and bound in so many areas of my life. We can be bound by things such as perfectionism, false responsibility, feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, unforgiveness, fear, conformity and more. Jesus came to set us free from every bondage…even the bondage of religion. Where there is a feeling of torment, there is a bondage. He brought the amazing gift of grace. There is a lot packed into this post. Take the time to study these scriptures. Pray about what Holy Spirit wants to do in your heart. The video is long but very anointed. You do not want to miss what Jason Upton speaks about. May God bless you and set you free in every area of your life.
The Prison of the Vow
As a child I made an inner vow. When my daddy broke a promise to call I was bitterly disappointed and I vowed never to let anyone hurt me like that again. In that moment, I felt the pain subside and a strange numbness take over. When I made this vow I didn’t realize it, but I gave Satan access to my heart. My heart became hardened by my own vow. Over the years I came to realize that I had a pattern of either numbing my heart or hardening my heart to “protect” myself from feeling pain.
Over time I began to feel a frustration towards the diminished feeling in my heart, but didn’t know how to fix the problem. For example, I began to see that I couldn’t properly grieve when people I cared about died. The pain would get trapped inside, locked up with no way out and the numbness just continued to grow deeper and deeper. I eventually realized that I wasn’t feeling that much of the good stuff either. Anesthesia has a way of doing that – the Novocaine may block the pain of the filling when we have dental work but it also causes us to not feel the good stuff too. Have you ever used Ora-gel? It will cause you to lose even the enjoyment of delicious food because it’s anesthetized your taste buds. This is what had happened to me. Life just wasn’t tasting very good. Everything was just becoming bland and numb.